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Musings and Meanderings

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Oh you knew this was coming. Read it carefully.
Thanks to my MIL for this one lol

I, ________________________, being of sound mind and body, unequivocally declare that in the event of a catastrophic injury, I do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means

I hereby instruct my loved ones and relatives to remove all life-support systems, once it has been determined that my brain is longer functioning in a cognitive realm.

However, that judgment should be made only after thorough consultation with medical experts; i.e., individuals who actually have been trained, educated, licensed and certified as physicians.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

Furthermore, it is my firm hope that, when the time comes, any discussion about terminating my medical treatment should remain private and confidential.

So, while recognizing the wrenching emotions that attend the prolonged death of a loved one, I hereby instruct my relatives to settle all disagreements about my care in private and not in the courts, as provided by law.

While remaining sensitive to the feelings of loved ones who might cling to hope for my recovery, let me state that if a reasonable amount of time passes -- say, 30 days-- and I fail to sit up and ask for a Dunkin Donuts original Coolatta, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

1. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my family and loved ones and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

2. Under no circumstances shall I be paraded around on CNN or Fox news.

3. I couldn't care less if a hundred idiots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf.

_________________________________ ____________
(Signature) (Date)

Witnesses:

_________________________________ ____________
(Signature) (Date)

_________________________________ ____________
(Signature) (Date)


Addendum:

1. If my condition was caused by negligence of another, please put my continued care on their tab and disregard all statements of termination.

2. If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and haunt them and their heirs for eternity.
posted by Mike 1:01 PM

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The musings and meanderings of an overworked and underemployed mind